I'm glad I had that cigarette

I just drank three beers and I'm feeling tanked.

While drinking those beers, I consumed beef jerky and that's about it. My eating is/has gone to hell today. Sorta. I think I went over by a few WW POINTS.

Oh yeah, I'm still on it. This is week 13 of being on it. I am doing my damndest to stick on it. I can't believe that I've lost as much as I have, and while I still have a long way to go, I am kicking ass. My mom's house is a death-trap for my WW - a few weeks ago, I spent one afternoon and fucked my week over. But I have managed to maintain and stick to my program, for the mostpart. There's this box of Honey Bunches of Oats that's staring at me but I'll have to decline.

After drinking tonight, I smoked a cigarette, from a pack I had purchased that aforementioned afternoon at my mother's house. Appetite is lost. Eating and drinking more sounds like a pasttime I want partake in, but would rather much avoid. 

On the front of my mother's house, I just spent some time reflecting. I love my mom and that's why I'm here. I love my woman, too. I have been blessed with a beautiful and wonderful woman that she is. I love her so much and I don't deserve her. But she loves me so much and I really want to not fuck this up, willpower and all.

I fucked my life for the next two years. But we'll get through it.

My posts here have been few and far between. I just haven't gotten into the mood for blogging. Like every single blog I have ever had, since LiveJournal in high school to the MySpace, I have deleted every blog. I say what I need to say and then I have this need to move on with my life.

My stress levels have been ever-present, but I am handling them better. I'm writing a little stressed out right now, but I am making changes to behavior that is going to make me successful in my weight loss journey. I have added routines like power naps at work, naps at home, and what the Weight Watchers program likes to refer to as "activity".

Yesterday, in the midst of finishing up this application for a stipend I have applied for, I realized that time was running short and that my local coffee shop was going to close in thirty minutes. I put on my running shoes and walked there and back - in the dangerous streets of Salinas' white and safe side. I got a thirty minute walk in and also got my dairy intake for the day.

I finished twelve weeks on weight watchers. I have lost 32.4 pounds and am doing it slowly. I still indulge, but I am also trying to get exercise in. Last week, due to school work I had to do, I didn't get any activity in. I made sure my gym bag was packed today before heading to work, with the intention of getting on that g-ddamn elliptical for an hour after I finish here.

I'm feeling relatively well, considering everything. With school, I am almost caught up and where I need to be. Work... is work. Handling the stress as best as I can here.

Man, bananas are pretty tasty.