Boner

Purple Velvet with chocolate chips 02, originally uploaded by Tasquah.

"Purple Velvet with chocolate chips 02"

MOG! WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT

Drunk

So I'm drunk right now.

I was slightly drunk last night after two beers. It was lame because I didn't mean to get drunk off of two beers and I became agitated because I didn't mean to get drunk off of two beers.

Tonight, it was a bottle of wine. A whole one. I'm not into this at all due to the fact that when I'm sober, I have self-restraint over my thoughts. In my restricted blogs that I used to have on a different site, I would totally go off and let the few I (sorta) trust into this s-/m-/gl- adness I have in me.

But I'm here. Oy, I'm here.

I'm trying to get back on-POINTS(c) tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Argh!

So I'm eating a lot and I'm eating unhealthily... This sucks, but what's worse is that I'm stress eating and not feeling full.

At least I'm not drinking... Yet... I have been in a wine and cigarette mood lately.

Gotta go to bed now.

Posted with LifeCast

Testing This Out

I just wanted to test out my blog settings.

Geolocate this post

Posted with LifeCast

The bitch went nuts...

holy fucking shit.... seriously now. (Ben Folds lyrics... go download [itunes] this song.)

So my day went alright. I woke up super early at milady's house due to not being able to sleep well last night, got dressed and got to work super early, relatively speaking. I swung by my pad to pick up one of my favorite sbux coffee mugs, cook oatmeal, and pack some food for work today. I worked seven hours straight and took my lunch to round out hour eight. 

While at work, it was good times. I managed to get in contact with my little bro, who is in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and managed to call me "fag" from 4,000 miles away over instant messenger... what an age we live in. Me and the sistah I work with had a good time gossiping. I'm hella good at that. I got some serious work done. Like, serious cat, serious work.

While at work, I was really good about my eating, minus the hot chocolate I had this morning (12 points! wtf!?) which did nothing to enhance my much needed Monday-morning-caffeine high I so desperately needed. I had about three cups of watermelon, a WW Smartone lunch dinner, and some coffee (with no Twinkies). All in all, it was good eating.

Due to me getting the fuck out of there early, I went to the gym to use the membership I dished out for a few months ago and do an hour on the eliptical. It was good times. I met up with LouLou from work and I had a great time just chit-chatting. I got home and ate a plate, half-filled with (once-frozen) mixed vegetables and a cup of Rice a Roni. Still having some FLEX(c) POINTS(also-(c)) left, I decided that I was going to nurture this craving for coffee - a soy caramel macchiato. So I go to get it and I literally shit my pants (not literally, but my heart drops).

Rounding out...

I'm sofa king hungry right now. After napping the last few hours, I know fo sho that I will be up till about (probably) 4 AM catching up on google reader and being online. Which means, I got to eat now. I'm craving fast food like a fucking fiend.

The Iggy Fast Food hiearchy goes as follows:

1 (tops): Wendy's 

In-N-Out

Pollo Loco

Jack In The Box

Taco Bell  

Chipotle

Starbucks

Quizno's

Subway

Dead fucking last (tie): McDonalds, Burger King

A few notes on that list. Wendy's beats out In-N-Out for having a variety on their menu, especially their chili. Chipotle is not as high as it should be, due to the MASSIVE CARDIAC ARREST INDUCING calorie and fat count. A meal at Jack or TB (I don't think) would add up to the calories (or deliciousness) of Chipotle. Starbucks is fast food because of their breakfast sandwiches. I don't like to going to McDonald's for dinner (burgers, sandwiches, etc) due to getting really sick one of the last times I have indulged.

Today was okay with eating. I did alright. Started my day with oatmeal from home and corporate coffee later. I ate light midday to not being hungry. Had a few servings of fruit and life is good.

FAIL Whale

"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once

Anyone familiar with using Twitter on the website knows the familiar fail whale that pops up when the server is overloaded. That was me today, smile, closed eyes, grace and all:

And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay. 

The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).

[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].

In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.

The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.

And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.

Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.

So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.

So to recap: 

- I failed in career advancement today

- I failed in stress management

- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and

- I failed in eating

Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.

Weighing In, at a 317.6

So I weighed in at a triumphant 317 point something. I think it was a six, but it could have been a five. I didn't lose a significant amount, but I didn't gain anything, either.

I'm wired and tired. Just killed a grande sbux caramel macchiato made with soy milk. I forgot how many points that is, but I'm thinking it's like 6. So tired. Still gotta iron and put together two more sexy looking portfolios for a 2nd job interview I have tomorrow.

So I called to confirm this job interview for tomorrow and I was told that it wasn't confirmed until one of the clinic supervisors says yes tomorrow morning. So I guess my shirt, tie, and three portfolios I'm putting together are going to have to wait. Hopefully I'll nail it and be able to stash away enough cash to take my girl out somewhere nice and then go to Nashville to visit Kevin Sharkey and (what used to be my) the Tennessee Titans.

Goals for this week is to track my shit and to at least hit the gym once. I already have all kinds of excuses to last me through thursday. Here they are in order by day:

Monday: Prepping for job interview

Tuesday: Watching a black dude kick the crap out of an old man on television (LOL!), homework

Wednesday: Homework

Thursday: Hanging with my girlfriend

Friday: To be announced

I hope I get this damn job. I really do. There are a lot of people I want to impress or rub shoulders with over at the other job site (same company, different department) and it might be the motivating factor for going to the gym.

Big man on campus...

Bought some threads yesterday.

Went to the Casual Male XL by work and my usual favorite corporate coffee joint and picked up a XXL shirt with material that looks like silkish. Put on a tie and went to a job interview and, like Andy Bernard would say, "nailed it!" Totally fucking nailed it. It was awesome to hear my potential future employer gush over me and telling me how smart I am. I try to be modest, but girlfriend, I was totally stressing this out. I handled me some fucked up questions, though. Sho nuff. I hope to hear the good word next week. If I am offered the position, there's a potential snag that will probably make me not want to take it. I'll talk more about that later.

While at the office, the boss introduced me to a bunch of new social workers that the county had hired and had come to our office. Sure enough, one of them recognized me. Brownie was talking about networking on her blog... in my field, it's easy to do by proving yourself knowledgeable and professional. The girl that recognized me was also fawning on my awesomeness, stating how I had helped her greatly when calling up my organization and how helpful I was in providing information. That made my day.

With Stank-Breath gone, life has been good on main street. I actually look forward to going to work.

(This video has nothing to do with the aforementioned comment)

I'm stressed out right now. Eating has been bad, but I'm trying. I'm done with eating for today, minus the coffee I just brewed. I'm hoping to get decently caught up with my bio homework today. It's crazy how I'm stressing over this. It's not like I'm going to lose an arm or finger if I don't pass this class. I feel like that, though. I don't want to fail.

I'll start tracking again tomorrow. Stomach is back to handling twinkies and coffee again.

Monday Weigh In...

Monday weigh in has been suspended so that I can focus on the economy. All jokes aside, it has been postponed until next week.

I got on the scale today and it said I lost six pounds. Considering that being sick, not eating, and pretty much being on a mostly liquid diet the last three days will tend to sorta skew the results, I've decided that those six pounds lost is not an accurate measurement of any effort I made last week to track my weight. Six pounds is a lot to lose in three days (since I last checked)... I really hope it's not the AIDS.

All jokes aside, I am really aching to get back into the swing of things tomorrow. A job update is coming soon. Wish me luck.

Still sick...

So my iPhone sucks at updating from it's browser, hence, the one-line entry from yesterday.

Friday, I was stressed out and I gorged. I logged everything from that day and the POINTS(c) total was staggering. Among it all, I drank TWO Odwalla juice drinks - Super Food and Mango Tango - and I'm pretty sure that's what made me sick.

Saturday, I woke up, went to the bathroom, and upchucked. It was fowl. Spent the rest of the day with a really bad headache, stomach pain, and somehow or another, I was running a fever of 101.7. That was weird. I bought some Jell-O and popsicles to eat to bring down my temperature (I don't know why I thought this would be a GREAT idea) but the sugar from both ended up irritating my stomach even more. I don't know what ended up killing the fever, but something did. My main meal of the day was Chicken Noodle Soup. That was it.

Today, I woke up with remnants of the stomach pain. I did some eating (more than yesterday) and ate some rice-a-roni, which didn't irritate my stomach. If I recall correctly, a BRAT diet is Bananas, Rice, Apple sauce, and Toast. So I tried (and failed) to adhere to that.

Weigh in is tomorrow, we'll see what happens. I have a feeling that my eating will consist of no coffee, twinkies, or anything hard. Most likely soup and toast... I really can't afford to get sick right now... primarily because I don't want to throw down for copay, meds, or time off (I have sick time). Furthermore, I think I have an important meeting on Wednesday.

Sick

My Thursday...

So I bought this today because I had to buy $4.00 worth of merchandise at 7-11 to be allowed to use a debit card:

(this is what $4.00 worth of Buy-1-Get-1-Free! Twinkies looks like in my work desk... So how did I do...? We'll find out later.)

Right now is still Thursday, despite being a quarter to 2. Anything I eat after midnight gets logged for when I started my day - basically, my day ends when I go to bed.

Thus far tonight, I have snacked on 94% fat-free popcorn with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter sprays for 2 or 3 points, as well as four of these juice ice-cubes that I made. Actually, this one's worth sharing:

[tangent] I bought these natural fruit juice blends (guava-pineapple) that are high in sugar and then I figured out the serving size. So for 8 oz of juice, that's 4 points. I pour into a measuring cup with the spout, 4 oz (half-cup) for 2 points and then I pour the juice to fill the individual ice cube cubby (or what ever they're called) up to about 75-80% full or until a few are relatively full and evenly distributed. Repeat until all the ice cubes are filled up. Then I gingerly put foil on the top and press down to see the edges of the cubes. I grab toothpicks and poke through the foil at the center point of each cube. Freeze. Done. [/tangent]

Eating was good today. I indulged in one package of Twinkies... you saw six up above and I only ate one. Not a big accomplishment... Twinkies are that kind of food that you learn the first time that you don't eat more than two. I've been eating a steady diet of Hamburger helper the last few months for several reasons: cheap, easy to make, tasty. I had the sloppy joe flavor today with hamburger buns... so fucking good! dinner was about 12 points.

I went to the gym today, too! Was on the eliptical for an hour, totally rocking it. Fired Up! [Amazon Link] helped me get through the first half hour, followed by a few random tracks. The iPhone keeps me perfectly distracted (I read the news on google reader) so I can get through a lot of stories and then I check the time to see I have 30 minutes left. It's awesome. My gym sucks, but I'm paying $200 for a whole year of gym and I can use the nice/clean/not-ghetto gyms near my parents house in the bay area.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping for the best and that it's the same. Tomorrow will more likely be my cheat day, in which I go waaay overboard on the daily, activity, and flex points. Assuming that Obama is not speaking to an adjacent and empty podium, I'm drinking teykahtey and cheering my guy on.

Lacking motivation...

I'm super serial when saying that I'm lacking motivation to do anything.

Despite throwing down two Benjamins to go take a community college course, I have fallen behind and twice told myself that I want to quit. This is super lame. So I'm at my local sbux (5 point drink) and blogging before I get to work. I'll be here for about two more hours to grind down the caffeine high that I'm working on right now.

I really don't want to hit the gym but I'm going to today, come hell or high water.

I really want to sleep. After taking a three-hour nap last night (bed at 3, wake up at 7 - which was my own damn fault for watching The Office Season 3 commentary), I am feeling tired. Besides a strenuous home visit, I vegged out at work and got all excited/giddy when I got back from lunch to check out the breaking news about John McCain and this super-lame publicity stunt that he pulled today. Lunch was alright, costing about 18 points. That killed my day, but I'm okay with that. Still tracking, being honest about it, and working to get there.

When I got on the scale today, I used the one not at my house to determine that I was the weight that I am. At my parent's house last weekend, I weighed in at 316 on my brother's scale and added four pounds to come to the weight previously posted. I got on my scale, and sho 'nuff, I weighed 320. No gain or loss. So today, I'm going extra gay on my iPod: Fired Up! Volume One.

Will probably even that out with some Blink-182 in homage to that dude that got scorched and whose contribution to pop culture, clothes, and fashion I still have not grown to appreciate despite his personal tragedy.

I'm tracking my shit. I'm gyming it. I'm getting back on track.

In the sense of having a lot going on right now and needing to get shit did*, I can empathize with my clientele in that they have a lot of stuff going on and are having a hard time getting done what needs to get done when drawing up their case plans.

*(c) J-Lerm

A shot-out to my homiez

So the application that I'm using is no longer available (FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, WEIGHT WATCHERS!) but those crafty bastards that released it put out a shiny new version of it, without the POINTS(C) calculator and titled it iLog It. I hope that Ren and Stimpy don't go after them with a cease and desist letter.

I found a screen shot, but you can also go to their website to check this bizzle out on your own and get more info about the various ways of practical use this application can be in your life. Apparently, you can also track other things like the number of smokes ingesting, bitches you've fucked, and other health-related quotas. So go give them your business and spend two bucks on it.

 

So seriously, WTF

I'm over two points on my business tonight. This iPhone application is kicking ass though because I always have my phone on me and I can immediately pull it out, start the app, and punch in what I need to punch in and log it. Since iPhone firmware 2.0 came out, backing up the data no longer takes 30 minutes (more like 1.5, tops) and I can log without fear of the firmware crashing and losing a significant amount of data.

What my day looks like so far

Seriously, though, WTF? I get to work, and the MILF I work with is all like, "Why are your clothes loose... you losing weight?" Now, granted that she hasn't been at work for more than 4 days in the last 7 business days, so I kinda took it that she either a) wants to give me the business, or b) is kissing my butt so I don't snitch.

Work has been a lot less stressful in the last few weeks since my stank-breath coworker left. Stress is a trigger for my overeating and this girl totally brought out a lot of unnecessary stress. Me and the sistah I work with chit-chat, gossip, and do a lot of laughing at work. So much so, that I thoroughly enjoy coming to work every day now. I'm not dealing with a younger, Kelly Kapoor (from The Office, and you only need to see the first six seconds of that clip) broad that likes to fuck with me, push my buttons, and have the last word. Seriously, fuck that bish.

What kinda took up a lot of my points today was the Starbucks breakfast I had for dinner, which consisted of a Venti iced drink and a breakfast sandwich. Delish. Seriously. I fucking relished EVERY single damn bite of that thing, telling myself outloud, "Oh my God! THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD! [nom nom nom!]". And I think that they have the best tasting breakfast sandwiches due to the biscuits they use being chewy and not soft.

I started my day off good, though. On advice of Brownie, I have started with the oatmeal and that shit is fucking good at 3 points for two packets plus a half-cup of soy for a 4 point meal. So fucking good. I love food.

Day 1 overview

So my day ended well. This is what it looked like:

Now, I know that I am envied by them skinny broads at the W-ight W-tchers* meetings for various reasons (having bigger breasts being one of them). I used to go to meetings and these little birdy women are limited to something like 20 points, which is super lame because two beers will totally kill about a fourth of their freaking points limit. I get to burn 44 points per day and even then, with the splurging and staying within my limits, I am freaking dying here.

According to my body weight and intensity of workout, I earned back 13 points, which gave me more freedom to eat things. I did an hour straight on the eliptical, totally rocking it out and putting in work to sweat. If I'm not sweating heavily, I'm not working. I easily found a machine when I got there, so my apprehensiveness for getting there was without merit. Add another reason for not wanting to go to the gym: smelly people. The dude working out next to me looked clean, but when he started sweating, it reeked of b.o. and axe body spray = barf. Thankfully, he was there for only 15 minutes.

A word on music for today: I have this workout mix I made especially for the gym entitled "Workout Mix: Alkaline Induced". Alkaline fucking Trio [iTunes link] comes in to save my ass, once again. Such a good mix of punk and mainstream-sounding jams to keep me moving. It's better (more manly) than my fascination with gay-ecstacy-party techno - I mean, that stuff keeps me moving, too, but I don't like to admit it.

*[I modified this because I don't want them coming after me with a cease and desist order]

Every day is an excuse...

I am good at avoiding the gym because I am king of excuses. My favorite one is that I'm tired. I'm always freaking tired. It's probably sleep apnea which I have for being so god damn Twitter-fail-whale overweight. So here, I present to you something I got from tumblr, but with the excuses I use:

I'm not going to go to the gymm today because...
- I'm feeling weezy (asthmatic) (this was today's excuse but I no longer feel asthmatic)
- I don't like dealing with fighting for a machine after 5 PM
- I'll go on a walk later
- I'll go home, nap, and then go to the gym
- I have too much stuff going on right now (but can somehow manage to b.s. for 5-6 hours on my MacBook)


And to counter that, here is my list for why I should go to the gym:
- I bought a kick-ass (2nd Generation) iPod nano when they first came out, just for the gym!
- I have all kinds of killer music on said iPod!
- I bought running shoes 2 years ago that I use for the gym!
- I have a pretty red gym bag that I got when buying those expensive-ass running shoes, that I use especially for the gym!
- Apparently, exercise is useful for combating stress. w00t w00t.

So I'm going to the gym today... for a whole hour of cardio on the eliptical. I'm thinking about running a mile.

Here it goes again...

First of all, I am incredibly apprehensive over starting a THIRD blog. I have one on MySpace for my bipolar rollercoaster venting of my daily grievances (they usually build up after a while and I vent periodically). I have a second blog of the random webfinds I find, that make me happy.

This morning I woke up and I have had enough. I'm 320 right now and I feel gross. The clothes feel tight. I feel heavy and after having strolled to the local convenience store right now, I am sweaty (though it should be noted, that it's hot outside).

I am logging my stuff today. We'll see how long that, and this blog, go. So far, this is what my day looks like:

Twinkie... I know. I'm indulging, but it's okay because I logged it and so long as I don't go over. it's all fine and dandy.

[The tracking program I'm using is on my iPhone. It was called iPoints Calculator, but those weasly old f*cks at Weight Watchers had the App Store pull it.]