Argh!

So I'm eating a lot and I'm eating unhealthily... This sucks, but what's worse is that I'm stress eating and not feeling full.

At least I'm not drinking... Yet... I have been in a wine and cigarette mood lately.

Gotta go to bed now.

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Testing This Out

I just wanted to test out my blog settings.

Geolocate this post

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The bitch went nuts...

holy fucking shit.... seriously now. (Ben Folds lyrics... go download [itunes] this song.)

So my day went alright. I woke up super early at milady's house due to not being able to sleep well last night, got dressed and got to work super early, relatively speaking. I swung by my pad to pick up one of my favorite sbux coffee mugs, cook oatmeal, and pack some food for work today. I worked seven hours straight and took my lunch to round out hour eight. 

While at work, it was good times. I managed to get in contact with my little bro, who is in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and managed to call me "fag" from 4,000 miles away over instant messenger... what an age we live in. Me and the sistah I work with had a good time gossiping. I'm hella good at that. I got some serious work done. Like, serious cat, serious work.

While at work, I was really good about my eating, minus the hot chocolate I had this morning (12 points! wtf!?) which did nothing to enhance my much needed Monday-morning-caffeine high I so desperately needed. I had about three cups of watermelon, a WW Smartone lunch dinner, and some coffee (with no Twinkies). All in all, it was good eating.

Due to me getting the fuck out of there early, I went to the gym to use the membership I dished out for a few months ago and do an hour on the eliptical. It was good times. I met up with LouLou from work and I had a great time just chit-chatting. I got home and ate a plate, half-filled with (once-frozen) mixed vegetables and a cup of Rice a Roni. Still having some FLEX(c) POINTS(also-(c)) left, I decided that I was going to nurture this craving for coffee - a soy caramel macchiato. So I go to get it and I literally shit my pants (not literally, but my heart drops).

Rounding out...

I'm sofa king hungry right now. After napping the last few hours, I know fo sho that I will be up till about (probably) 4 AM catching up on google reader and being online. Which means, I got to eat now. I'm craving fast food like a fucking fiend.

The Iggy Fast Food hiearchy goes as follows:

1 (tops): Wendy's 

In-N-Out

Pollo Loco

Jack In The Box

Taco Bell  

Chipotle

Starbucks

Quizno's

Subway

Dead fucking last (tie): McDonalds, Burger King

A few notes on that list. Wendy's beats out In-N-Out for having a variety on their menu, especially their chili. Chipotle is not as high as it should be, due to the MASSIVE CARDIAC ARREST INDUCING calorie and fat count. A meal at Jack or TB (I don't think) would add up to the calories (or deliciousness) of Chipotle. Starbucks is fast food because of their breakfast sandwiches. I don't like to going to McDonald's for dinner (burgers, sandwiches, etc) due to getting really sick one of the last times I have indulged.

Today was okay with eating. I did alright. Started my day with oatmeal from home and corporate coffee later. I ate light midday to not being hungry. Had a few servings of fruit and life is good.

FAIL Whale

"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once

Anyone familiar with using Twitter on the website knows the familiar fail whale that pops up when the server is overloaded. That was me today, smile, closed eyes, grace and all:

And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay. 

The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).

[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].

In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.

The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.

And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.

Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.

So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.

So to recap: 

- I failed in career advancement today

- I failed in stress management

- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and

- I failed in eating

Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.

Weighing In, at a 317.6

So I weighed in at a triumphant 317 point something. I think it was a six, but it could have been a five. I didn't lose a significant amount, but I didn't gain anything, either.

I'm wired and tired. Just killed a grande sbux caramel macchiato made with soy milk. I forgot how many points that is, but I'm thinking it's like 6. So tired. Still gotta iron and put together two more sexy looking portfolios for a 2nd job interview I have tomorrow.

So I called to confirm this job interview for tomorrow and I was told that it wasn't confirmed until one of the clinic supervisors says yes tomorrow morning. So I guess my shirt, tie, and three portfolios I'm putting together are going to have to wait. Hopefully I'll nail it and be able to stash away enough cash to take my girl out somewhere nice and then go to Nashville to visit Kevin Sharkey and (what used to be my) the Tennessee Titans.

Goals for this week is to track my shit and to at least hit the gym once. I already have all kinds of excuses to last me through thursday. Here they are in order by day:

Monday: Prepping for job interview

Tuesday: Watching a black dude kick the crap out of an old man on television (LOL!), homework

Wednesday: Homework

Thursday: Hanging with my girlfriend

Friday: To be announced

I hope I get this damn job. I really do. There are a lot of people I want to impress or rub shoulders with over at the other job site (same company, different department) and it might be the motivating factor for going to the gym.

Big man on campus...

Bought some threads yesterday.

Went to the Casual Male XL by work and my usual favorite corporate coffee joint and picked up a XXL shirt with material that looks like silkish. Put on a tie and went to a job interview and, like Andy Bernard would say, "nailed it!" Totally fucking nailed it. It was awesome to hear my potential future employer gush over me and telling me how smart I am. I try to be modest, but girlfriend, I was totally stressing this out. I handled me some fucked up questions, though. Sho nuff. I hope to hear the good word next week. If I am offered the position, there's a potential snag that will probably make me not want to take it. I'll talk more about that later.

While at the office, the boss introduced me to a bunch of new social workers that the county had hired and had come to our office. Sure enough, one of them recognized me. Brownie was talking about networking on her blog... in my field, it's easy to do by proving yourself knowledgeable and professional. The girl that recognized me was also fawning on my awesomeness, stating how I had helped her greatly when calling up my organization and how helpful I was in providing information. That made my day.

With Stank-Breath gone, life has been good on main street. I actually look forward to going to work.

(This video has nothing to do with the aforementioned comment)

I'm stressed out right now. Eating has been bad, but I'm trying. I'm done with eating for today, minus the coffee I just brewed. I'm hoping to get decently caught up with my bio homework today. It's crazy how I'm stressing over this. It's not like I'm going to lose an arm or finger if I don't pass this class. I feel like that, though. I don't want to fail.

I'll start tracking again tomorrow. Stomach is back to handling twinkies and coffee again.