I work better when I'm angry

Weight progress chart (via WeightBot): Start: 332, Now: 293

For work-related reasons I can't really discuss, I have been incredibly pissed off the last few days and have been taking it home with me. I have been incredibly irritable.

Eating has been relatively good, although today I was craving a donut. I gave up on that dream when I saw some stale ones at the main office (HQ) this morning and instead, had a serving of cinnamon Puffins, which has sorta diminished my want for a donut. I'm feeling okay right now, but breakfast didn't satisfy me - my usual egg, egg whites (x2), ketchup, english muffin, and coffee.

I've sorta plateaued in the last few weeks. I intend to get back into exercising now that my human biology class just finished. I have time to exercise now. Yesterday andn Monday, I spent an hour each, walking. I really need to lose another thirty. I want to and I'm doing half the
work [eating right] to get there. I just need to step it up a notch.

I packed some killer foods today for while i'm at my office. I am anticipating that work will not suck as bad today

My posts here have been few and far between. I just haven't gotten into the mood for blogging. Like every single blog I have ever had, since LiveJournal in high school to the MySpace, I have deleted every blog. I say what I need to say and then I have this need to move on with my life.

My stress levels have been ever-present, but I am handling them better. I'm writing a little stressed out right now, but I am making changes to behavior that is going to make me successful in my weight loss journey. I have added routines like power naps at work, naps at home, and what the Weight Watchers program likes to refer to as "activity".

Yesterday, in the midst of finishing up this application for a stipend I have applied for, I realized that time was running short and that my local coffee shop was going to close in thirty minutes. I put on my running shoes and walked there and back - in the dangerous streets of Salinas' white and safe side. I got a thirty minute walk in and also got my dairy intake for the day.

I finished twelve weeks on weight watchers. I have lost 32.4 pounds and am doing it slowly. I still indulge, but I am also trying to get exercise in. Last week, due to school work I had to do, I didn't get any activity in. I made sure my gym bag was packed today before heading to work, with the intention of getting on that g-ddamn elliptical for an hour after I finish here.

I'm feeling relatively well, considering everything. With school, I am almost caught up and where I need to be. Work... is work. Handling the stress as best as I can here.

Man, bananas are pretty tasty.

Dees Juan Tine

I've been going at this, slowly, for the last 11.5 weeks. I'm on week 12 of Weight Watchers and after having lost 32 pounds, I gained one back on Monday's weigh in. I'm just taking it slow, taking it easy. This one lady I admire once said, "inch by inch, life's a synch!" I'm trying to take it down to that level.

The eating. I eat the same foods every day. I have an egg, two egg whites, two english muffins, 2 TBS of ketchup, and coffee (with 4 TBS of 1/2 and 1/2 and 1 TBS of sugar). For dinner, it's usually a salad with my favorite 2 tablespoon dressing and asian dumplings (1 point each), fried in olive oil. Being that I'm a big mang, I get 42 points per day. I went down by two points since starting this thing. In between the two meals, I try to mix in variety.

I'm trying to maintain my stress. Lucky for me at work, we have a therapy room with a couch. I took a power nap in there and it helped me out immensely. I'm worried about grad school and how I'm going to pay for it. I am waiting for my financial aid package to come, which should take (hopefully) three more weeks. I'm also waiting for my tax return from Uncle Sam and Uncle Arnie... trying to figure how to allocate that between savings for this move with my girlfriend and the NEVERENDING FUCKING CREDIT CARD DEBT THAT WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE LIFE AND MURDER THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF MY LIFE, DREAMS, SAVINGS, and CREDIT SCORE.

The future is uncertain, but it's where I'm putting my better days. Inch by inch, I'll get there.

Also, if anyone is interested in six inches, please inquire with management of this blog :P

Rocking the WW

My favorite treat is ice cream. McDonalds vanilla cone or low-fat ice cream. Was feeling hungry so I just nommed on a skinny-cow ice cream sandwich. It was delicious. Have been kicking ass on the Weight Watchers. I'm on week 4 with three months before the June... I have lost 15.8 pounds and I am going full-speed ahead. The weight loss is slow but speeding :P

My clothes feel looser... significantly. I am about 16.3 pounds away from my first goal of getting my ass under 300 lbs. I'll get there. I want to get there sooner than later, but it took me a while to puff up when I gained all my weight back. I am being more active, especially with utilizing my gym membership. Gym changed venues because 24-Hour Shitness decided not to continue their franchise in Salinas and a newer, better, gym took over my contract. Very very nice. Can't wait till they get their jacuzzi installed.

The one mantra that I'm living by is that I gotta burn more calories than I ingest. I'm really trying my ass off. That whole thing they talk about at the WW meetings, as far as mentally rehearsing, is what is working for me. Today, someone bought Round Table Pizza for lunch and I ate only one slice (at 8 points) with a salad to fill me up. I ate out at this work-related dinner and made sure to fill up half my plate with the steamed greens and salad, while also being mindful of my portions. I was able to tally things up right and I'm not regretful for my eating behaviors.

Just a quick note: I've given up posting my deepest thoughts on the internet... blocked or not, I am afraid that they will come back and bite me in the ass. The closest thing I got going is micro-blogging, which I am good at instantaneously lamenting my disdain.

I am in love with my girlfriend. She is a huge motivator for me. I want to look good for her, make her look good, and be healthy so that I can enjoy my time with her. She is a sweetheart and I know she loves me. I can't wait to move in with her, though I have my fears. We still have a lot of things to work out before I am fully set on making her my betrothed. While my girlfriend is not a Christian, thus not sharing my faith, she is also not a whore or hypocrite. I'll take that straight to the bank.

My mood is good. Getting organized and losing the weight is definitely going to affect my happiness... positively affecting it. That's really, all I want.

I lasted 15 days

I lasted fifteen days of counting points until I crashed and burned tonight. I had 22 points(c) left when the girly calls me up at 5, causing me to leave work. I was really burned out and I knew that I wasn't going to get anymore work done so I left. We went to the Penny Farthing, a kick-ass English pub down the street from me and I had a beer (probably six points) and a penny burger (beef, cheese, bacon, condiments, and your typical burger veggies). I had the waitress substitute a side salad for fries.

But it didn't end there. I was good until I got a little stressed a few hours ago. I had some Healthy Choice fudge pops (1 point each), a twinkie, the rest of the champagne from New Years, some OJ, and about a quarter-tube of Pringles. So yeah, I slipped up and took it to the max.

And then my friend with a Guy-Fieri fetish sends me this link, which makes me drool for more fucking food:

This is what Dragon Ball Z would look like with a thyroid problem.

In counting points, I lost about 8 pounds, which is good, but god damn staying on target is hard. Tomorrow is a new day and I should start anew.

Oh, and the rest of that bottle of champagne... it crept up on me. So this was a semi-drunk rant.

Edit: in case you're wondering, I got my MSW application in on time. That paper was a bitch but for whatever reason, I didn't stress out enough to fall off the wagon.

Edit 2: This is for Brownie

I literally barfed in my mouth at 1:47. I wonder if this is a look at how fucker eats kitty.

Sunshine

Today's check-in:

It was good to have four days off. It was even better to be driving to work with what felt like sunshine on my shoulders. The four day break was good and I got a lot of stuff done. Not nearly enough, though. I still need to write this autobiographical statement.

My eating was good today, too. I'm proud of myself. My eating has primarily consisted of brew coffee and oatmeal for breakfast, a salad and Smartone's entree for lunch, and then I had some dumplings, more salad, and coffee for dinner. In between, I hit up sbux and got one of their tea infusions (it was supposed to be free due to buying a pound of coffee with my registered sbux card but I didn't get the discount). I didn't like this new drink and was expecting something with way more corn syrup than I got.

I did some snacking, consisting of bananas, the Weight Watcher cakes, and these delicious fudge pops that went on sale at Costco. I stuck within my points and I still have 1.5 left, which I am going to "spend" on Jell-O.

Overall, it's been a good day. Tomorrow's going to be hectic and I hope to get a lot of stuff done.

Open Wide Lament

Okay, so here's a brief intro.

Today's weigh-in looks like:

Food at the moment looks like:

(I ate more than this, but these are the last items I've eaten that appear on the screen shot. The POINTS(c) are correct) [tangent: version 2.2 of the iPhone firmware totally killed the kick-ass WW application that Park East had to pull. I downloaded iLog It [iTunes] and it's almost just as sweet]

I didn't exercise today, although I logged three points for two hours worth of shopping/standing-in-line-at-little-Tijuana-also-known-as-Wal-Mart-and-Costco.

Right now, I'm in an okay place. [Tangent:]I'm one frenetic motherfucker, which is why I prefer drinking over smoking. Drinking brings me down. I'm high strung and weed, for whatever reason, always fucks up my head and I always feel like I have lost control with being high on top of me being high strung.

Anyways, I'm in an okay place but I am worried. This stupid grad school application... I'm almost done with it... probably putting in 8 more hours of work and I'm done. For better or for worse, this is going to fuck up my life for the next few years. For better, if I get in it's an opportunity for me to grow in my career and eventually settle for the pay that I want and deserve. For worse, I'm putting all my eggs in one basket and if I don't get in, it's going to mess with me. One good thing about getting rejected will be that I have other schools to consider next year.

A few months back, I applied for this position and I totally got railroaded and feel as if I was not being giving a fair opportunity to be considered for the job. I took that rejection pretty hard and I really don't want to be feeling like that if I get a negative response from applying. 

I'm worried about moving in with my girlfriend. It's going to happen this year. The last time I moved in with a girl I loved, it did not go well. Not. One. Bit. (Thank you, Joker). So anyways, what better way to solidify this whole "Marriage Trial Run" thing than to do it in the midst of an intensive graduate school program. I mention that wretched M-word because I see a future with my girl.

Anyways, that's one of many things on my mind. How this relates to this blog is because I'm lightly stressed. Thankfully, I'm not stress eating, which is surprising. I'm gonna go get a starbucks before they close to perk up... yeah, that sounds about right.