My posts here have been few and far between. I just haven't gotten into the mood for blogging. Like every single blog I have ever had, since LiveJournal in high school to the MySpace, I have deleted every blog. I say what I need to say and then I have this need to move on with my life.

My stress levels have been ever-present, but I am handling them better. I'm writing a little stressed out right now, but I am making changes to behavior that is going to make me successful in my weight loss journey. I have added routines like power naps at work, naps at home, and what the Weight Watchers program likes to refer to as "activity".

Yesterday, in the midst of finishing up this application for a stipend I have applied for, I realized that time was running short and that my local coffee shop was going to close in thirty minutes. I put on my running shoes and walked there and back - in the dangerous streets of Salinas' white and safe side. I got a thirty minute walk in and also got my dairy intake for the day.

I finished twelve weeks on weight watchers. I have lost 32.4 pounds and am doing it slowly. I still indulge, but I am also trying to get exercise in. Last week, due to school work I had to do, I didn't get any activity in. I made sure my gym bag was packed today before heading to work, with the intention of getting on that g-ddamn elliptical for an hour after I finish here.

I'm feeling relatively well, considering everything. With school, I am almost caught up and where I need to be. Work... is work. Handling the stress as best as I can here.

Man, bananas are pretty tasty.

Bean Sprouts for Midnight Snack

I'm stressing out right now. I am in the midst of hiring a lawyer... total white people status. Without getting too much into detail, I was wronged and I'm trying to get fairly compensated. Those little fucking cockroach insurance companies... I hope they all go bankrupt after I'm through with them.

Anyways, my stress level correlates with my eating behavior, typically. I have this stressor plus my car is fucking up. While I'm way above income-level for a single man (I should be making more money), I don't have much to show for it except for 3 iPods and a laptop. I don't have a car payment, thank God. My car is fucking up right now. Something about a hose leaking fluid from my radiator. My dad came down with my uncle and they tried to fix it. I'll see tomorrow the end result of their efforts.

I rocked the gym on Monday... I did a high intensity workout on the elliptical because it's easier on my back. Well, it's supposed to be easier, but my back was fucking killing the shit out of me. I hope that this pain gets better because I can't do painkillers for the rest of my life and I don't smoke pot.

With my dad helping me out, I went over. He took me and my uncle to Denny's and I adhered to my Weight Watchers as diligently as I could. I believe my meal was like 18 points. Add to that a Snickers bar (7!? points) and a soy latte (I thought was supposed to have 3 points, but it turned out to be 5... WTF!?). It's all good. I got off track a little and I went over by 3.5 points (so far) for my day (still Thursday).

So I'm eating bean sprouts. A whole cup for 0 points. I'm feeling less-hungry, too.

I need to focus on eating all my veggies. Fuck me in the ass.

FAIL Whale

"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once

Anyone familiar with using Twitter on the website knows the familiar fail whale that pops up when the server is overloaded. That was me today, smile, closed eyes, grace and all:

And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay. 

The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).

[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].

In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.

The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.

And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.

Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.

So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.

So to recap: 

- I failed in career advancement today

- I failed in stress management

- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and

- I failed in eating

Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.

Big man on campus...

Bought some threads yesterday.

Went to the Casual Male XL by work and my usual favorite corporate coffee joint and picked up a XXL shirt with material that looks like silkish. Put on a tie and went to a job interview and, like Andy Bernard would say, "nailed it!" Totally fucking nailed it. It was awesome to hear my potential future employer gush over me and telling me how smart I am. I try to be modest, but girlfriend, I was totally stressing this out. I handled me some fucked up questions, though. Sho nuff. I hope to hear the good word next week. If I am offered the position, there's a potential snag that will probably make me not want to take it. I'll talk more about that later.

While at the office, the boss introduced me to a bunch of new social workers that the county had hired and had come to our office. Sure enough, one of them recognized me. Brownie was talking about networking on her blog... in my field, it's easy to do by proving yourself knowledgeable and professional. The girl that recognized me was also fawning on my awesomeness, stating how I had helped her greatly when calling up my organization and how helpful I was in providing information. That made my day.

With Stank-Breath gone, life has been good on main street. I actually look forward to going to work.

(This video has nothing to do with the aforementioned comment)

I'm stressed out right now. Eating has been bad, but I'm trying. I'm done with eating for today, minus the coffee I just brewed. I'm hoping to get decently caught up with my bio homework today. It's crazy how I'm stressing over this. It's not like I'm going to lose an arm or finger if I don't pass this class. I feel like that, though. I don't want to fail.

I'll start tracking again tomorrow. Stomach is back to handling twinkies and coffee again.