The bitch went nuts...

holy fucking shit.... seriously now. (Ben Folds lyrics... go download [itunes] this song.)

So my day went alright. I woke up super early at milady's house due to not being able to sleep well last night, got dressed and got to work super early, relatively speaking. I swung by my pad to pick up one of my favorite sbux coffee mugs, cook oatmeal, and pack some food for work today. I worked seven hours straight and took my lunch to round out hour eight. 

While at work, it was good times. I managed to get in contact with my little bro, who is in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and managed to call me "fag" from 4,000 miles away over instant messenger... what an age we live in. Me and the sistah I work with had a good time gossiping. I'm hella good at that. I got some serious work done. Like, serious cat, serious work.

While at work, I was really good about my eating, minus the hot chocolate I had this morning (12 points! wtf!?) which did nothing to enhance my much needed Monday-morning-caffeine high I so desperately needed. I had about three cups of watermelon, a WW Smartone lunch dinner, and some coffee (with no Twinkies). All in all, it was good eating.

Due to me getting the fuck out of there early, I went to the gym to use the membership I dished out for a few months ago and do an hour on the eliptical. It was good times. I met up with LouLou from work and I had a great time just chit-chatting. I got home and ate a plate, half-filled with (once-frozen) mixed vegetables and a cup of Rice a Roni. Still having some FLEX(c) POINTS(also-(c)) left, I decided that I was going to nurture this craving for coffee - a soy caramel macchiato. So I go to get it and I literally shit my pants (not literally, but my heart drops).

FAIL Whale

"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once

Anyone familiar with using Twitter on the website knows the familiar fail whale that pops up when the server is overloaded. That was me today, smile, closed eyes, grace and all:

And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay. 

The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).

[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].

In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.

The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.

And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.

Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.

So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.

So to recap: 

- I failed in career advancement today

- I failed in stress management

- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and

- I failed in eating

Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.