"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once
And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay.
The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).
[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].
In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.
The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.
And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.
Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.
So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.
So to recap:
- I failed in career advancement today
- I failed in stress management
- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and
- I failed in eating
Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.
