FAIL Whale

"A failure is a success gone wrong" - Some crazy dude from Mozambique with a PhD I met once

Anyone familiar with using Twitter on the website knows the familiar fail whale that pops up when the server is overloaded. That was me today, smile, closed eyes, grace and all:

And the little birdies are those friends of mine I have pretty much televised my one-man pity party to. I only had one person join it, which is okay. 

The interview went to shit today. I was intimidated by a panel (3-person) interview and the lead interviewer (who I later found out was a bigger cheese than I had realized) was not-too-friendly during the process - it was more of a confrontation than it was, interview. While it would take some SERIOUS stalking for her to find this blog, I stand by this statement (professionalism or not) considering that a lot of people don't know where I work and I try not to mix business (work) with pleasure (myspace, facebook, twitter).

[speaking of which, i need to delete MySpace. I need to download some blogs, delete them, and try to figure out which friends I am cool with to convince to come over to FB].

In the end, this was not anyone else's failure but my own. I totally Schruted it. On the first interview, I was Barack Obama. During this one, Sarah Palin showed up. I stumbled and bumbled my way to the end, not once finding my stride.

The thing I don't quite understand is why this aggressive interview tactic, which I have never ever experienced, was given to me. Despite, prepping like I wanted this job. Despite, working my ass off on a professional-looking portfolio that didn't get anything more than a half-glance. Despite, putting in a year of social-working and that somehow not being conveyed (on my part) to the panel. Furthermore, they kept me waiting 10-15 minutes later than the time I was given for this meeting to take place. I have had a few problems in my working relationship with this department, as far as condescendence and my work not being taken seriously. In retrospect, this sorta makes sense. And for a $6k pay-raise (which was in the top-three reasons for applying for this job), no thanks.

And I say "no thanks" after being called back early this afternoon, no more than six hours after this train wreck to be asked by my first interviewer, essentially, why I fucked up so badly and to be told that I would not be offered a position at this time but that my application would still remain "active", whatever-the-fuck that means. I almost feel like sending a polite thank-you note, asking that my application be withdrawn.

Throughout the day, I have been vehemently trying to suppress my disappointment. In doing so, I did some serious stress eating, which culminated in my dinner - a small King Arthur Supreme Pizza - which I had with some beer for dinner while watching the debate. I fucking nommed on that, to which I now feel a little sick and acid indigestion-y. I dug my own grave on that one.

So where is the success in this failure. I can't find it... which tells me that dude is full of shit.

So to recap: 

- I failed in career advancement today

- I failed in stress management

- I failed in maintaining this whole self-esteem thing; and

- I failed in eating

Better luck tomorrow, that's what I'm hoping for.